I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
