We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
