I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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