dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize