My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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