i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We have so much sex to catch up on
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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