You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Enjoy the penises
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
