I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
