last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
