I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My dick has a subreddit
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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