I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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