dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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