i barfeds in our rink
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
