Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
