you traded sex for a burrito?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
