why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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