I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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