There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
