Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
