This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
