Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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