Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
