I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
