How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
