i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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