You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
