I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
