You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
