There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The Olympian is in my bed
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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