And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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