My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
