if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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