If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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