Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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