Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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