I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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