Can i not drive my cunt home
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
