just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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