I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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