Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize