I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
