We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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