Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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