yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
