Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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