Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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