His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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