i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
