ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
