the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She told me I should be a condom model.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
