In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
