just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
