I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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