apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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