Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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