The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Randomize
