Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
