Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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