He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
