I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize