I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
you never un-have a 4some
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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