dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
