I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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