uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
