Whod you bang
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
