He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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