Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
