I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize