i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
