I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
