I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
