We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
