he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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