I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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