Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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