At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
