I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
