Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
