Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
