if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
