someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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