At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's never too late to be topless.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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