I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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