I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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