I just pynch a tree in the face
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
