Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize