I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
