He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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