Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
