So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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