i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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