that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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