Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
