Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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