I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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