i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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