i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
