yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
