Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
