I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
