I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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