we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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