I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
