You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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