On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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