What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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