Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
