so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
