it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
